When BFFs break up – how can an independent mediator help?

Colleagues often form close social relationships at work. This is no problem when everything is working well. It’s when there is a rift in that social relationship that the impacts can be costly for employers in terms of conflict, time taken off work and lower productivity. It’s time for an independent mediator.

We’d like to share a short scenario with you that is probably being played out in workplaces across the country right now and now independent mediation can save the day.

Scenario

Two friends, Jane and Sarah have worked for the same employer for years and enjoy learning together. They are now doing the same role. They’re actually BFF’s.

A promotion to a supervisor role is advertised and both apply. They talk about it and agree that whoever gets the job, the other will wish them well and be happy for them.

Jane gets the job and becomes Sarah's boss.

Everything seems fine, but Sarah is quietly angry about not getting the role because although she is happy for Jane she secretly believes that she is actually more deserving.   Sarah thinks she works harder and is more popular with the clients and would have made a better supervisor.

After a few months Sarah thinks that Jane's attitude towards her is changing.  They no longer have lunch together, Jane is always busy, and they don't seem to socialise much outside of work.

It’s performance review time

Performance reviews are being held and Jane, as Sarah’s immediate supervisor, is responsible for Sarah’s review.

Jane criticises an aspect of Sarah’s performance.  Sarah is resentful and starts complaining to her colleagues that Jane is always picking on her and treats her differently to the rest of the team.

Meanwhile, Jane is finding it increasingly difficult to work with Sarah and thinks Sarah is undermining her authority as supervisor and trading on their friendship.  She is missing being able to talk to her as a "friend" and trusted colleague, about work outside of work.  Their working relationship becomes increasingly adversarial and Jane finds it increasingly difficult to work with Sarah and the relationship and work performance of both of them deteriorates.

Jane asks her Manager for assistance in dealing with the escalating issues. The Manager suggests an independent mediator.

What was the role of the independent mediator?

The company engaged an independent mediator. An independent mediator is a neutral person trained to facilitate the process of mediation.  The mediation process acknowledges that there is an issue and is used to work out how to move on from the issue in a constructive manner that preserves relationships and does not attach blame.

The mediator engaged by the company arranged for confidential individual meetings with both Jane and Sarah and encouraged them to speak about what was happening at work, what their perspectives on the issues were and how it was affecting them personally. 

These meetings enabled the mediator to determine that both parties were eager to work at resolving the issues and getting back to enjoying working together and perhaps even salvaging their former close personal friendship.

The mediator believed that a confidential joint mediation session between Sarah and Jane would be the vehicle for assisting them with the issues.  The purpose of a joint mediation is to allow parties to talk openly to each other in a confidential environment where each party gets an opportunity to express how the conflict has impacted on them personally.  Each person has an opportunity to be heard and hear from the other person.

The joint mediation took three and a half hours.  The mediator facilitated the session to allow Jane and Sarah to speak to each other, in a respectful and blameless manner, about the impact the changes at work had had on each of them.  They were able to talk to each other openly and honestly about what was causing them anxiety and stress and what their common goals were.

Finally, they worked together on some strategies and solutions to help them remedy the situation.

What was the result of the mediation process?

Sarah and Jane made a commitment through a written agreement to implement agreed strategies they would each follow and agreed that they would ask their manager to help them keep on track.

The mediator checked in with them 3 months later and was pleased to hear that the strategies had been successfully implemented, and they were working together well and enjoying their former social friendship with new agreed boundaries.

How did everyone benefit from mediation?

Jane and Sarah:

• gained a clearer understanding of each other’s concerns and the impact the conflict had on the friendship;
• gained a clearer understanding of the negative impact on their colleagues;
• understood the negative impact on productivity at work;
• decided together on simple strategies to repair their work and personal relationships; and
• improved their skills in dealing with future conflict situations.

The manager:

• realised that early intervention ensured the conflict did not escalate to a point of a complete working relationship breakdown;
• ensured minimised disruption in the workplace; and
• gained 2 upskilled employees on the team.

The business:

• minimised costs associated with the workplace disruption caused by a conflict;
• saved time and money by the early intervention mitigating against lost productivity and a negative effect on motivation for other employees;
• saved money and time by avoiding an escalating conflict and performance management scenario in the workplace; and
• avoided costly industrial repercussions.